


Things I Can't

by carissima



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 23:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1165805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carissima/pseuds/carissima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's jealous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things I Can't

Harry knows his voice can't hit high notes the way Zayn can. He can't hit those high trills that make Louis' jaw go slack and his eyes wide in admiration, can't hit that note that make Niall grin and clap like a proud parent, can't pull off those riffs that make Liam sit back and lift his microphone to ask the crowd to make some noise for Zayn's incredible talent.

What he can do, what he's good at, is publicity. Every time Zayn hits that perfect note, Harry goes out shopping at the most expensive store Paul can arrange a 'private' hour at. Every time Louis gets that soft, amazed look, Harry sends a tweet to Ed, Nick or Zach or whichever celeb he knows will merit the most attention. Every time Niall's face screws up with pride, Harry heads out to play tennis with Pat Rafter or plays a round of golf, unable to say no when Niall begs to come along. Every time Liam asks the crowd to go wild for Zayn, Harry sets up a new PR date that'll have his face splashed across every gossip website and gain them more precious column inches.

He's good at it, but no one ever thanks him for it.

Life goes on as normal.

He stumbles into the tour bus after a particularly long date that felt like it would never end. He actually quite likes the girl, but it's still a forced arrangement of mutual benefits. Harry spent most of the night smiling and nodding, adding a thought here and there but it's hard work for both of them. He gets a sympathetic smile from her at the end of the night and when they leave in his car, he slips his arm around her waist to guide her past the flashing lights of the paparazzi cameras and to shield her and it's the most honest moment he's felt with her all night.

After dropping her home with a smile and a reminder that they're due to go for a walk in the park a few days and he'll text her with the times, he just wants to curl up and have someone pat his hair like a reward for a job well done. But the lads are playing two on two on the Xbox and they barely acknowledge his arrival. Not one to give up though, he shoves his way between Zayn and Liam on the sofa, stretching out as best he can with Zayn elbowing him. When Niall and Louis declare victory and Zayn argues that Harry put him off, Harry just grins and pokes Zayn's side unrepentantly. It's about to descend into a full on wrestling match when Liam's arms encircle Harry and pull him back. He's not sure what look Liam sends Zayn over his head but Zayn rolls his eyes and nods before he slips away into the back where the bunks are, probably to call Perrie.

Harry curls up into a more comfortable position against Liam, making a disapproving sound when Liam tries to move his arms away so they spend five minutes shuffling around until they're both comfortable. And when Liam's hand drifts into his hair, scratching his scalp almost absent-mindedly as Liam argues with Louis over who's turn it is to get up first for hair and makeup in the morning before their interviews start (it's Niall's, but Harry's not going to get involved), Harry thinks maybe Liam understands, just a little.

Harry's lulled to sleep by their low voices and Liam's hand in his hair.

*

Louis decides to be silent during their interviews. It's weird and it's throwing the rest of them off, the way Louis just sits there with his hands in his lap, looking for all the world like he's paying rapt attention to the interviewer but not answering any questions. They're all casting him questioning looks, wondering what the hell he's up to this time, but Louis adamantly ignores all of them and continues to at least appear to be the perfect interviewee. Harry's sitting behind him and he can see Zayn elbowing Louis when Liam's answering a question, can see Niall throwing Louis looks when Zayn takes his turn to answer. He definitely sees Liam's arm snake around Louis' shoulders, pulling him into Liam and both of them laughing as Liam tickles him a bit. He sees Louis whisper into Liam's ear and hears Liam laugh a bit too loudly.

When the interviewer asks him a question about his latest date with the girl whose name he can't quite remember right this second, Harry paints on his brightest smile and coyly defers from answering. The interviewer blushes a little as Harry leans forward to talk to her, his hand resting on Liam's shoulder for balance as he gives her his full attention. He doesn't stop flirting until he feels Liam's hand covering his and he quickly wraps up his answer, leaning back, away from the spotlight. But he keeps his hand on Liam's shoulder until the interview comes to an end.

"What was that all about Tommo?" Liam asks as they unhook their microphones. Harry's first out, stretching out long and lean, his shirt riding up high.

Louis just grins back at him and Liam rolls his eyes, reaching out to smack Louis lightly in the shoulder. "You can answer all the questions next time then."

Louis pulls a face. "Not a chance. That's your job, Payno. King of interview answers."

"Only because you never want to answer them," Liam groans as they head towards the room they've been assigned during their breaks. Harry falls into step behind them, slinging his arm around Niall and tugging him close.

They all smile gratefully at Paul as he holds the door open to their room, closing it behind them and letting the five of them relax together for the first time since they'd started this morning.

"You're the only one who can answer the same question over and over without getting annoyed," Louis reminds him for the millionth time, pulling Liam down onto the sofa with him and folding them up together until Louis' comfortable with his feet in Liam's lap. Liam smiles up at Zayn when he hands him some water and he starts to massage Louis' calves absently with his free hand.

Harry doesn't realise he's tense and staring until Niall's hand rests on his arm and he looks up to see that considering look Niall sometimes gives him, when Harry's annoyed or upset and doing his best to pretend he's neither.

"Let's order pizza tonight and watch crappy telly, yeah?" Niall suggests quietly. It's enough to have Harry sighing heavily as he leans into Niall and wraps his arms around him, breathing in his familiar scent and closing his eyes. He wills himself to relax until he does and Niall tumbles them to the ground, both of them laughing as Harry bumps his elbow and lets out a low growl, pouting even when Niall rubs it gently.

"Thanks," Harry says too quietly, but he sees Niall's wink and he huffs out a laugh, ignoring Zayn's declaration that they're both idiots and trying not to notice that Liam and Louis are too busy talking to notice them at all.

Annoyed and irrational, Harry scrambles to his feet, helping Niall up too, just as Paul opens the door to tell them they're due for their next interview in five.

Harry lets Niall and Zayn go and waits for Liam and Louis to pass. But he stops Liam with a hand to his arm, waits until the door closes behind Louis and they're left alone in the room.

"Hey, what's up?" Liam asks, his eyebrows knitting together as he shifts until he's in front of Harry, and he wonders if Liam realises he does this, puts his whole body between whoever he's talking to and the door like a shield.

"Kiss it better?" Harry asks gruffly, bending his arm and holding it out in front of Liam.

Liam laughs as he reaches out to run his thumb gently over the reddened skin, his eyes flicking over Harry's face as if he's checking that he's really okay. Then he leans forward and brushes his lips across Harry's elbow and he feels his stomach clench before it flips.

"Better?" Liam asks as he leans back, his hand gripping Harry's as he lowers his elbow.

"Loads," Harry says, and he's pretty sure he's not just talking about his grazed skin. He keeps hold of Liam's hand as he tugs him through the door and they slip into their seats behind the sofa. And every time Louis answers a question, Harry reaches over to whisper something in Liam's ear or reaches over to touch or poke or tickle Liam.

He's just not entirely sure why he's doing it.

*

When Zayn hits his high note perfectly and Liam coos over him, Harry leans back and grabs Liam's microphone before he leaps to his feet and races across the stage. He glances back to see Liam laughing as he chases him and he lets himself be caught, knowing Liam's faster than him anyway. He giggles as Liam drags him down to the stage floor, reaching out with his long arm to keep the microphone away from Liam's reach. He laughs harder as Liam starts to tickle him, finally giving in when he can't stand it anymore. Liam grins victoriously as he holds his mike aloft, reaching down to nip Harry's neck gently before getting to his feet and skipping away from Harry, who's still sprawled on the ground, a huge grin on his face.

His smile slowly fades as Liam sits back down next to Zayn and tugs him in for a hug.

*

It takes him a week to figure it out. A week where he spends every minute trying to get Liam's attention and hating every single second that Liam's laughing at Louis, or cuddling with Zayn while they read comics or sitting with Niall as he plays the guitar and Liam beatboxes next to him and every single smile they share together. Smiles and laughs and cuddles that Harry's not sharing.

It's a week of Harry sulking and barely raising a smile when he's with the boys and Liam's more than an arms-length away from him. A week of Harry shooting unwarranted glares at the lads when they're with Liam and Harry isn't.

A week of white hot rage that builds slowly inside of him, a feeling so unfamiliar, so foreign to him that it's not until he's standing in the middle of the tour bus, screaming at Louis who's looking at him as if he's gone mad that Harry shuts his mouth abruptly, his eyes wide and unblinking and he wonders if Louis' right, if he has really gone off the deep end. He can see Louis stepping towards him slowly, approaching him with caution and it's so crazy, so unnatural for Louis to be _wary_ of him that Harry lets Louis guide him down onto the sofa and wrap himself around Harry, murmuring words he doesn't hear and can't understand.

"Fuck," he manages to say, drawing the word out until it's a moan and Louis pulls back to stare at him.

"Shit, you don't even know, do you?"

"Know what?" Harry asks miserably. He's tired and irritable and he doesn't know how to shake whatever's settled over him recently.

"Shit," Louis curses loud and quick before he rubs his hand over his face and returns to staring at Harry. "We thought you knew but you don't have a clue."

"Who thought I knew what?"

"About you and Liam," Louis says slowly. Carefully. And he's looking at Harry as if he knows something, but Harry's exhausted, right down to his very soul and Louis won't just _tell_ him what it is he's meant to know. Whatever is apparently clear as day to the rest of the boys.

"What about me and Liam?" Harry can hear the frustration in his voice but he's too tired to temper it. "Unless you know why he spends all this time with you and Zayn and Niall and I'm left with whatever fucking moment he can spare me."

He's not expecting Louis to laugh. He's not expecting Louis to throw back his head and gasp for air as he falls back against the sofa and laughs long and hard.

Angry and a little upset, Harry's on his feet and out the door before he hears Louis shouting his name. He stomps out of the tour bus, knowing he's verging on a full-blown tantrum, the kind he hasn't had since he was in primary school and James Turner was playing with the Red Power Ranger he wanted and Mrs Ryan wouldn't let Harry have it, no matter how hard he cried.

He feels a hand clamp around his arm and he spins around, ready to spit out his white hot rage at Louis but he pauses when he's faced with Niall's sympathetic expression. He can see Louis running towards them, looking upset and worried and when a hand slips around his waist, he knows it's Zayn before he turns, the faint scent of cigarettes enveloping them.

He knows when he's beaten.

"I'm sorry!" Louis' panting when he comes to a stop, his hand lifting to rest against Harry's chest. "I'm sorry, it's just that you have no idea how funny this is."

"I'm not laughing, Lou," Harry says quietly, but his anger is fading as quickly as it built up. He's never been one to hold a grudge, and Louis does at least look apologetic.

"I know, love," Louis says as he steps closer. "I thought it was just Liam who was clueless, but we didn't know you were just as bad."

"He doesn't know?" Niall's tone is incredulous and Harry wants to punch something.

" _What_ don't I know?" he pleads, turning to Zayn, because Zayn isn't as awful as the others. Zayn will only let the joke go so far before he stops it.

Everything's silent as Harry and Zayn stare at each other.

"You should tell him, Zayn," Niall says quietly.

"Isn't it something he should realise himself?" Zayn mutters, his gaze never leaving Harry's.

There's some mumbling and muttering but Harry's focused on Zayn. "Zayn. Please."

He sighs and he rummages in his pocket for a cigarette and a lighter. With slightly trembling hands, he lights up and takes a drag, carefully blowing the smoke in the opposite direction before he gives himself a little nod.

"How do you feel about Liam, Harry?"

"Ignored," Harry mutters before he can stop himself. He sees Zayn's eyes dart towards Louis behind him and his mouth tightens before he forces himself to relax.

"He's not ignoring you Harry," Zayn says carefully, pitching his voice a little lower. Harry feels Niall's hand on his back and Louis' hand on his neck. He thinks it's meant to be comforting, but he just wants to shrug them off and breathe. He feels too claustrophobic. "Liam spends as much time with you as he does with any of us."

"No," Harry denies instantly. "No he doesn't. He's always with one of you."

Zayn takes another drag and slowly breathes out. "Harry. Fuck. I can't, Lou."

"I tried already," Louis says from over his shoulder. "Didn't end well."

Hands slip to his waist and Harry's being turned until he's facing Niall.

"Just tell me," Harry pleads. He knows Niall can't hold out. Niall will tell him.

"Harry," Niall says firmly, his face drawn and too pale. "Harry, you love Liam."

There's a beat. Harry frowns. "Yeah?"

Niall looks puzzled and sends a look over Harry's shoulder. "So you _do_ know?"

"That I love Liam?" Harry's frown deepens. "Of course I love Liam. I love all of you. Why would you think I don't love Liam? Fuck, does Liam think that I don't love him?"

Niall's shaking his head, looking stricken and Harry's heart is racing. "Niall, is Liam avoiding me because he thinks I don't like him or something? Shit! I should go find him."

"Harry!" Louis' shouting over his anxious babbling and he's being turned around again in their little circle. "Shut up, okay? Liam doesn't think anything like that. This is about you. You _love_ him. Like Zayn loves Perrie. Like I love El. Like Niall loves ... The Eagles."

He hears a whoop from Niall but all he can see is white noise, building inside of him until his legs give out and it's only Zayn grabbing him that stops him falling to the ground.

"No," Harry hears himself say as Zayn's arms wrap around him.

"Sorry mate but it's true," Niall says carefully. "You've been glaring at us all week if we get within an inch of him."

"You wouldn't let any of us near him last night on stage." Zayn's half-carrying him back to the tour bus. "And you practically sat in his lap last night in the car ride back."

"And you just flipped out on me because I said Liam and I were planning to go surfing in the morning, " Louis points out as he pulls Harry onto the sofa with him again.

The stupid thing is, it's making sense. Everything's making sense. Harry buries his head in his hands and groans. He's having horrible flashbacks from the past few weeks, of feeling uncharacteristically angry towards his bandmates, towards his _best mates_ simply for talking to Liam.

When he looks up, he sees Niall, looking sympathetic. Zayn, looking relieved. And Louis, grinning idiotically. He shoves at Louis half-heartedly, huffing out a laugh when Louis just tumbles onto him, followed by Niall and Zayn just stands there, shaking his head.

"You're such an idiot," Louis whispers in his ear. Harry can't really disagree.

When Zayn finally pulls them apart, Harry's sat between Niall and Louis and looking up at Zayn miserably. "What now?"

"Tell him," Zayn says simply before he turns and walks out of the door.

"Man of man words, that," Louis says humorously before he stands up and stretches. "Take his advice though, Harry. Tell him."

Louis follows Zayn out.

"It's Liam," is all Niall says before he disappears too.

Harry groans and falls back against the sofa, wondering where the hell everything got so complicated.

He's still there, trying to work out when exactly he fell in love with Liam (he thinks he's got it narrowed down to the moment they met at bootcamp, the time he threw up after one of their nights out and Liam brushed his hair away from his face and told him he'd be okay or maybe last month when they were in the middle of an interview and Harry turned to Liam to ask him something and Liam had just smiled at him and tugged him in for a cuddle) when Liam's head appears round the door, looking curious and puzzled.

"Hey," he says brightly. "Louis said you wanted to talk to me?"

Harry wants to kill Louis. "Uh, yeah. I guess?"

Liam frowns at that. "I can come back later if you want?"

"No," Harry holds out his hand and waves Liam in. It's not like he wants to have this hanging over them, Louis will push and push until it all comes out in some horribly embarrassing way. "Come here."

Liam sits next to him, stretching his legs out and letting his arm drape across the back of the sofa.

It's awkward. Harry can't look at him, not now that he knows. It's embarrassing and awful and he has no idea what to say or how Liam's going to react.

"Hazza?" Liam pushes gently. "What did you want to tell me?"

Liam's hand closes over his and Harry jerks back instinctively. Liam's hand retreats quickly and he glances up to see Liam frowning, his too-expressive face betraying his hurt.

"Liam, I'm sorry," he says quickly, reaching over to grab Liam's hand and squeezing it tightly. "It's just hard for me to say this, okay? So promise you'll wait until I'm finished, yeah?"

Liam nods slowly, biting his bottom lip and Harry wants to yell at him, tell him to stop doing that because it's not helping but he can't. All he can do is helplessly stare at the way his lip plumps up under his nibbling, the way his lips turn red as the blood rushes to the skin and wonder what Liam tastes like. Whether he tastes like menthol and toothpaste, fresh and clean; or whether he tastes like citrus and fruit; or whether he tastes like sweat and boy.

A million words come to mind but none of them sound right. But Liam's waiting so patiently and Harry's starting to feel a bit lightheaded. "I can't hit high notes like Zayn."

It's not the best opening.

Liam's frowning and Harry can just imagine he's dying to tell Harry how good his voice is and how he doesn't need to sound like Zayn because his voice is great just the way it is, and it's a bit jarring to realise he knows Liam so well.

"That's not, uh, that's not exactly what I mean," Harry flushes and he winces a little before he tries again. "I mean, Zayn hits those high notes and you go on and on about it, every night. Telling everyone how wonderful he is."

Liam's frown deepens and Harry scrambles to find the right words. "I mean, Zayn is wonderful. He is. Everyone should know how great Zayn is." He's rambling. He knows he's rambling but he can't seem to stop. "But every time you say it, I get this tight feeling in my chest. Like I'm jealous."

Liam leans forward and tries to say something but Harry smacks his hand against Liam's lips and shakes his head. "No, you promised, remember?" Liam nods his head but he doesn't move back and Harry doesn't drop his hand. "I just. You're so. You know?"

It's clear that Liam _doesn't_ know. Harry sighs as he moves his hand away and stares at the floor for far too long.

"Never known you to be lost for words before, Hazza," Liam says quietly.

Harry's lips quirk as he looks back at Liam. "Why is this so hard to say?" he asks, mostly to himself. He lifts his finger to press it against Liam's lips, drags it down a little and presses a little harder. He watches as Liam puckers his lips and kisses his finger, making him smile softly. It transitions into a laugh as Liam snaps at his finger, catching it between his teeth gently.

"Liam," Harry trails off quietly. "You're brilliant."

Liam doesn't say anything but he lets go of Harry's finger and reaches for his hand instead, giving it a squeeze.

"I really, really hope you forgive me for this," Harry mutters as he leans in and presses his lips against Liam's. He waits for Liam to pull back but he doesn't. He's got his eyes squeezed together and he's too afraid to look. But as the seconds pass by and Liam still hasn't moved, Harry experimentally moves his lips to slide them across Liam's, letting his tongue flick out to lick across the seam of Liam's lips. When Liam's lips part, Harry whimpers, part shock and part desire racing through his body. He's not sure how his hands ended up buried in Liam's hair and he's not sure when he managed to crawl into Liam's lap. But all he can think about, all he can concentrate on is that he's kissing Liam and Liam is _kissing him back_. That's Liam's tongue licking hesitantly against his own and those are Liam's hands flat against his back, pulling him closer and those little sounds are coming from Liam's lips.

He tastes of strawberries.

Harry drags his nails against Liam's scalp, grinning as Liam pulls back to gasp before Harry dips down and captures his lips again, already addicted to the taste and feel of Liam underneath him. He's solid and warm and Harry wants to be closer. He wriggles and squirms until Liam's underneath him on the sofa and Harry's sprawled on top of him, but he doesn't stop kissing Liam and Liam doesn't stop kissing him back.

The hesitancy has gone and Harry realises that Liam's a fucking fantastic kisser. He does this thing with his tongue that's driving Harry insane, the way it wraps around Harry's and he sucks hard, it's amazing. And his lips are soft and he smells so good and Harry's losing himself in Liam so easily. His hands move down to cup Liam's face and Harry draws back, pressing kiss after kiss against Liam's lips until he can feel Liam smiling against him and he presses one last smacking kiss on Liam's beautiful mouth before he pulls back a few inches and opens one eye curiously.

Liam's laughing at him.

Harry opens both eyes and pouts down at him. "Heyyy."

Liam's hands slide from his back down to his arse and back up again, trailing up and down Harry's body slowly and deliberately. Harry wants to press his hips down against Liam's and roll them, but he holds himself still.

"So what was it that you wanted to tell me, Hazza?" Liam murmurs. his eyes dancing with humour and his hands still moving against his back.

Harry leans down until his forehead is pressing against Liam's and he lets out a relieved chuckle. "That maybe I want you to think I'm as wonderful as you think Zayn is," he says shakily, but he's smiling as he says it.

"I don't think you're as wonderful as Zayn," Liam whispers, but when Harry pulls back to glare down at him, Liam's expression is solemn and he's reaching up to tuck a curl behind Harry's ear. "I think maybe you're brilliant too."

"How brilliant?" Harry asks as he nuzzles his nose against Liam's. "Brilliant enough to kiss maybe?"

"Definitely brilliant enough to kiss," Liam agrees, his eyes disappearing behind his crinkles. "Maybe brilliant enough for cuddles too."

Harry wants to grin. "What about dating? Brilliant enough to date?"

Liam doesn't answer and Harry can feel his heart hammering against his chest.

"You want to date me?" Liam finally asks, all the teasing gone from his voice as he tilts Harry's head up with a finger under his chin. "Seriously?"

Harry hesitates for a second before he ducks down to kiss Liam, quick and chaste. "Yeah. Very seriously."

Liam's smile is slow and bright and Harry's dazzled. "Yeah. I mean, yeah. I think maybe you're brilliant enough to date."

Harry drops his head down onto Liam's chest and collapses against him. "Fuck."

"Yeah," Liam murmurs, his hand brushing through Harry's hair gently as they both take a few seconds to realise what they've just said.

When Harry lifts his head, he folds his hands together over Liam's chest and rests his chin on top, smiling down at Liam. "Hey."

"Hi," Liam whispers back.

Harry leans forward and kisses him gently. It's a soothing, calming kiss and by the time Harry pulls back, he's a little breathless and a lot happy.

"Brilliant," Harry says happily and Liam grins, echoing the sentiment before he cups Harry's neck and brings him down for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Someone prompted for jealous Harry with non-established Lirry. This happened. It's short and written stupidly quickly and all mistakes are 100% mine. 
> 
> [tumblr](http://carissimali.tumblr.com)


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